Preparing for the End or maybe the next bridge or tornadoes.

In a conversation with a friend about his new Cross Fit program, we wandered onto the idea of making a program called Z-fit, or Training for the Zombie apocalypse. I did some ogling around the net, and it appears I am not all that original. It has already been attempted multiple times. 

A current program is being taught by the people at the following link: http://zombiefit.org/

However, I was thinking, as with any horror thriller, the action is always accompanied by music.

So, you add in some spin bikes, push ups, and zombie killing themed exercises (cardio boxing?), with a fast paced and fun work out mixed with thrilling music to add to the atmosphere, you have a work out I might actually do. Plus, you're getting prepared for the Zombies to walk.

I should work up something and post it here, along with building some unlicensed tracks for the horror.

We will see what comes from it.

He is the most Sarcastic Man in the world.

One of his snide remarks once brought peace to the  Middle East, for 22 minutes, before all sides of the argument plotted to kill him.

His conversations come with warning labels.

He is the most sarcastic man in the world.

He has inside jokes with complete strangers, about other strangers.

He has proven in a court of law that his tongue is mightier than the sword, the pen, and weapons of mass destruction.

He is the most sarcastic man in the world.

I don't always give compliments, but when I do, I still don't.

Stay cynical you bastards.



And now Mondays Greeting card:


Cover:

If I were to list all of the traits I like about you.

Inside:

~THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK~

This has been Public Sarcasm Announcement, if knowing is half the battle, you have still lost.

It all started with "Back to the Future", and an image of Marty Mcfly looking at his watch over a picture of the Deloreans dashboard showing the date he went to in the future. In fact, it's coming up. The entertaining part is that there are numerous memes depicting dates stating "Today is the day" he arrived. Most of them are incorrect. This began the need for a jerk to attack my sister, not physically mind you, but on Facebook. 

Sarcasm hates bullies.

I am honest, direct, and sarcastic. I will get upset on occasions of poor customer service, rude customers, and shitty coffee. However, after I have made my point I will wish you a good day, apologize and leave it that. I understand people have bad days. I can usually identify those people just by the look of absolute despair, anger, or anguish on their face. I will not try and take a moral stance to make you feel like shit. 

This guy proceeded attack her for posting hoaxes. 

Let's define a hoax here, shall we: A hoax is a deliberately fabricated falsehood made to masquerade as truth.^[1] It is distinguishable from errors in observation or judgment,^[1] or rumors, urban legend, pseudosciences or April Fools Day events that are passed along in good faith by believers or as jokes.

Lets Define a Meme:A meme (pron.: /ˈmiːm/; meem)^[1] is "an idea, behavior, or style that spreads from person to person within a culture."^[2] A meme acts as a unit for carrying cultural ideas, symbols, or practices that can be transmitted from one mind to another through writing, speech, gestures, rituals, or other imitable phenomena. Supporters of the concept regard memes as cultural analogues to genes in that they self-replicate, mutate, and respond to selective pressures. 

Pop culture makes these prevalent. Hoaxes are also all over. I will post connective information to show you the truth. Then will leave it to you. This man made himself a menace. I stepped in, made a few comments about the basis of information he was using and helped him understand what internet humor was. Shortly after, he un-friended my sister. I have been told this is a severe insult. Much like the social stigma of changing your relationship status first. 

Now this is something I just don't get. When did Facebook become the go to area for relationships? According to recent statistics from lawyers (I know, if information came from lawyers can we trust it?) that two thirds of divorces state Facebook some where in the reasons for divorce. Gives me the creeps that the value of a line of text in a drop down menu makes so much of a difference. I think the option should be for other people to be able to click a drop down menu to rate others and develop a public reputation. I for one expect to be notified the "Asshole" option was chosen at least 35 times in the first second of this application. I am totally OK with that. My friends know this about me, and frankly, they will be the first 35. I wear it as a badge of honor. 

Now, moving foreword, where the hell do you get off with assuming the funny item posted by some one else is offensive to you? Give it up people. It's a damn cat, or some funny pseudo political statement meant to snub some current situation. I decided to come up with a list of Sarcasm Given Rights on internet:

1. You have the right to scroll. In the event the post, article, meme, picture or rant looks like it might be a little too far outside of your views for you to be OK with reading it, feel free to scroll right on by. Your opinion really isn't that important. It's not going to have an affect on the people who posted the comment in the first place.

2. You have the responsibility to Google/Bing/Snopes/Huffington the article for real information pertaining to the validity of the information they are spouting. They won't learn without broader horizons. Also, the ones who are really fucking nuts, destroying their reality with the facts, are entertainment for months. Sometimes, you can see the spittle on the screen, even from the other side of the internet.

3. If the specific post "tags", "@", or by some other fashion of targeting posts to you directly, by all means a Social Media throw-down should commence. But, please, please, please do your research to make it good! You have a responsibility to make the show worth watching. I have emergency popcorn waiting.

4. You have the right to shut the fuck up. It's an opinion posted by some one else. If it is going to cause you stress you should really look at doing something else with your time. Maybe write a blog where you're a complete and total jerk to the internet ether. It makes me happy. I'd recommend it.

5. You have the right to be ignored. If you are posting something to cause an argument, you're a jerk. I should know. I do it whenever I am bored. I expect to have the trolls climb out from under their bridges and go at me. I also know and love my little troll minions. They give me something to do. If you don't get any posts on your inflammatory comment, you sir have been ignored. It's OK. It happens.

6. You have the right to chill the fuck out. If your time on social media, the internet, video games or porn sites leaves you sweating, and your heart racing with potential cardiac arrest, first you should see a doctor. Second you should disconnect. The internet is not a place for you. Some of us are sick fucks and will try to kill you any chance we get.

These are your rights, know them and CHILL OUT please.

This has been Public Sarcasm Announcement, if knowing is half the battle, you have still lost.

Small Treasures, and diamonds in the rough.

Small Treasures, and Diamonds in the Rough

It was a busy weekend here around the sarcasm clan, my sisters birthday was this weekend, my daughters soccer game and a few other events and deadlines that pretty much guaranteed I was not going to get some quality time with my press and other equipment. So when I finally had some down time I spent it cleaning some of the Type Cases that came with the press, pulling all of the little pieces out of the section, vacuuming it then wiping it out, and returning the letters back to their slot. I only finished 3 of them its a little time consuming, and I really need to figure out a way to clean the letters off as well. This is going to be the hard part, small delicate lead letters will take time to wash the dust of time and then dry. Other wise I am printing with dirty letters. Not much sense in that is there?

As with anything you buy with only part of the history as you go through it little pieces of its past come to your as you clean it up and polish it. Today I found these wonderful little treasures:

 Light bulb! (obviously done in the voice Gru, from Dispicable Me 2010)

 CONOCO

 Champlin USE Oils

 Mc Cormick-Deering Farm Machines and Implements

 John Deere

To give an idea of how big these little gems are (yes I am geeking out over them) Texaco and Philips 66 were there also. This fills out a small part of the printing presses history, part of the story I received was that this press was owned by a Colorado mining towns preacher and was used to print items for his sermons, town bulletins and Scrip for the company store. Brings back memories to some of the Mining Music.

Speaking of mines, I have been having an ongoing conversation with my spouse about the Diamond trade and frankly I don't understand how pressurized carbon is worth anything more than really expensive, pretty drill bits. The value is inflated from diamond traders, and sales. The idea of it being a heirloom is a sales campaign from the 70-80s. However she wants a Diamond in her setting. I offered a counter of getting a meteor ring instead, a truly rare item, but she says its not an option. I will have to figure it out at a later time.

Now for Monday's greeting card: Happy Birthday!

Front:

Happy Birthday, you are another year older!

Inside:

I promise this year I will try harder, so you don't have to deal with another.

Sarcasm Prints

Sarcasm Prints

  I recently found a wonderful ancient artifact in a garage that I decided I had to have. A Pearl #3 Letterpress.

It came with a lot of bonuses, a complete case of fonts, an 1881 Paragon Paper cutter, and a stapler that I don't think works. What I have decided to do is clean it up, restore what needs to be restored get it working, and make evil greeting cards.

So I am going to try and post ideas for Evil Greeting cards at least twice a week. Interlaced with stories of Sarcasm, his siblings and friends interacting with an unsuspecting society. I would like to thank Sarcasm's Sister and the two professional telemarketers that provided the fodder for the last post. I feel bad, that some people can mistake polite phone etiquette for the inability to speak English. I am a jaded, cynical  and sarcastic human being. This doesn't mean I go out of my way to be rude, especially when taking on the social contract of representing another person for a short time by answering their phone. In our house if you answered the phone you were representing the whole family, it was important and frankly  you don't want "She who won't be named" coming down on your for not being polite to one of her sewing customers, its just common sense people

And for Evil Greeting Card #1: Congratulations

Cover:

I have been told that calling people names is rude.

 Inside:

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I have had you scientifically recognized as an ass-hat.