Greeting card Friday

No rants this Friday, so I figured I would blast out some "Evil Greeting Cards". Enjoy the hate.

Cover:

When I look into your eyes......

 Inside:

I see why some animals eat their young.

Cover:

Your Mom called today.

Inside:

She blew the inheritance on Cocaine and strippers.

Also, you have a new dad. I think his name is Poppi. 

Cover:

Happy Valentines Day

Inside:

I have been told that by giving you this card, flowers, and that cheap ass box of candy,

you are obligated to have sex with me.

No hurry, you can cook me dinner first.

Cover:

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Inside:

To test this theory, I am taking a mission to Mars, the farthest place in our galaxy from you. 



Cover:

I have a degree in Massage Therapy.

Inside:

Just so I could rub you the wrong way.