Sarcasm's Sister Answers the Phone, Answers a question, and gets removed from the list... which is a good thing.
I answered my Moms land line, and I think I should stop doing that, if I
don't recognize the number. Apparently the power of my voice alone can
Here's how the conversation went, today at least:
Me: "Hello" Lady: "Is"She who shall not be named" there?" Me: "She's not in, can I take a message?" Brief pause.... Lady: "Is "Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee whooooooooooooo shaaaaaaall not be named" there?" Me: "She's not in, can I take a message?" Another brief pause... Lady: "Is "Sha wha shall nit be nomed" there?" (that was my favorite) Me: "She's not in, can I take a message?" Longer brief pause, accompanied by the click clack of a keyboard... Lady: "Let's try this again. Is Miss "She who shall not be named" in?" Me: (trying not to laugh, and speaking slower) "She's not in, can I take a message?" Really long pause, and a couple of frustrated sighs..... Lady: "Is there an adult in the house?" Me: "I'm an adult." Lady: "Is this Miss "She who shall not be named"?" Me: "She's not in, can I take a message?" Lady: "Please hold?" Me: "OK" Now I'm feeling guilty, so I stay on the line, for about 3 minutes... then..... Guy: "Hello, ma'am?" Me: "Yes?" Guy: "I think we're having difficulties communicating. We're calling for a Miss "She who shall not be named". Is she available?" Me: (deliberately speaking slowly) "She's not in, can I take a message?" Lady (in the background): "See? That's all she keeps saying! I think that's all the English she knows!"
This outburst is followed by a muffling sound, where I'm gonna assume a
hand was placed over a microphone and she was told to shoosh. Guy: "Habla Ingles?" I giggled a little out loud at this point.
Me: "Sir, I speak perfect English, at least most of the time. I can see
that you and your friend are having difficulties communicating, but it
is most definitely not with me. I'm sorry for confusing her, but I don't
know of any better way to answer her. You can ask for the person you
are trying to reach in a thousand different ways, with different
pronunciations, and even different dialect's for all I care..... which
could be fun.......but it doesn't change my answer to her questions, or
yours, and frankly, I don't understand why she's so confused and upset." Guy: "OK..... But you didn't answer her questions....did you?" Me: "Yes, of course I did." Slight pause...... Guy: "....and she asked if a Miss "She who shall not be named" was there?" Me: "Yes." Guy (with regret in his voice): ".....and what was your answer to her questions?" Me: "She's not in, can I take message?" Lady in the background: "SEE?!" followed by more muffling... Guy: "Thank you for your time ma'am. Your number will be removed from our call list." Me: "Oh good. Thank you!"