Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Sarcasm's Sister Answers the Phone, Answers a question, and gets removed from the list... which is a good thing.

So, I answered my Moms land line, and I think I should stop doing that, if I don't recognize the number. Apparently the power of my voice alone can hurt people.

Here's how the conversation went, today at least:

Me: "Hello"
Lady: "Is"She who shall not be named" there?"
Me: "She's not in, can I take a message?"
Brief pause....
Lady: "Is "Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee whooooooooooooo shaaaaaaall not be named" there?"
Me: "She's not in, can I take a message?"
Another brief pause...
Lady: "Is "Sha wha shall nit be nomed" there?" (that was my favorite)
Me: "She's not in, can I take a message?"
Longer brief pause, accompanied by the click clack of a keyboard...
Lady: "Let's try this again. Is Miss "She who shall not be named" in?"
Me: (trying not to laugh, and speaking slower) "She's not in, can I take a message?"
Really long pause, and a couple of frustrated sighs.....
Lady: "Is there an adult in the house?"
Me: "I'm an adult."
Lady: "Is this Miss "She who shall not be named"?"
Me: "She's not in, can I take a message?"
Lady: "Please hold?"
Me: "OK"
Now I'm feeling guilty, so I stay on the line, for about 3 minutes... then.....
Guy: "Hello, ma'am?"
Me: "Yes?"
Guy: "I think we're having difficulties communicating. We're calling for a Miss "She who shall not be named".  Is she available?"
Me: (deliberately speaking slowly) "She's not in, can I take a message?"
Lady (in the background): "See? That's all she keeps saying! I think that's all the English she knows!"
This outburst is followed by a muffling sound, where I'm gonna assume a hand was placed over a microphone and she was told to shoosh.
Guy: "Habla Ingles?"
I giggled a little out loud at this point.
Me: "Sir, I speak perfect English, at least most of the time. I can see that you and your friend are having difficulties communicating, but it is most definitely not with me. I'm sorry for confusing her, but I don't know of any better way to answer her. You can ask for the person you are trying to reach in a thousand different ways, with different pronunciations, and even different dialect's for all I care..... which could be fun.......but it doesn't change my answer to her questions, or yours, and frankly, I don't understand why she's so confused and upset."
Guy: "OK..... But you didn't answer her questions....did you?"
Me: "Yes, of course I did."
Slight pause......
Guy: "....and she asked if a Miss "She who shall not be named" was there?"
Me: "Yes."
Guy (with regret in his voice): ".....and what was your answer to her questions?"
Me: "She's not in, can I take message?"
Lady in the background: "SEE?!" followed by more muffling...
Guy: "Thank you for your time ma'am. Your number will be removed from our call list."
Me: "Oh good. Thank you!"

Best laugh I've had in days....

No comments:

Post a Comment